Skyrim Review

 “But... there is one they fear. In their tongue... he is 'Dovahkiin' - Dragonborn!”

-Esbern

 

Okay, y’all are lucky I had to have my wisdom teeth forcibly ripped out of my mouth, and for such reason am bedridden, else this little review might not have even gotten done. Now, for those of whom who haven’t played Skyrim and are reading this, get the FUCK UP OFF YOUR LAZY ARSE, AND GO PICK UP MOTHERFUCKING SKYRIM. And don’t whine to me about how much money it costs, or how much time it takes to play, you’ll be thanking me after you’ve personally raped your first dragon. And for those of you who have played Skyrim, I know that the only reason you’re even reading this right now is either to be nice, and toss a little charitable reading my way, or because you’re like all those douche-bags on r/atheism who just love to hear someone else agree with them on the obvious. And who am I to deny you that? Really though, I’m kind of compelled to write this simply because I myself need to put to words just how awesome this game is, if only because it’s actually physically hard to keep this exuberant love I hold for this game in my heart, down. I mean, there’s just so much to DO. I’m not talking about just multi-tasking, I’m talking about tasks upon tasks upon TASKS are what you’ve got to look forward to here, and you’re gonna wanna do each and every damn one of them! Not to mention the fact that besides having your quests being interrupted by more quests, you’ll also have your quests interrupted by periodic smithing, fighting off bandits, oh yea, and the occasional DRAGON. They’re actually ALL OVER THE PLACE in this game, and if my constant use of caps lock hasn’t gotten the message across to you yet, they’re awesome. After taking down you’re first dragon, you’re going to feel awesome- you’re second equally awesome. But when you finally take down you’re third dragon, by yourself, out of nowhere- you’ll know that you were personally born to be the essence of all that is hardcore and fucking metal in the world. I’m only at level 15, and allow me to just say now, if this game does not literally knock the socks off of your feet, then I will burn my disc. And let me tell you right now son- I have no intention of doing so- EVER. FUCKING CLASSY GAME.